Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
