As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
