he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
