He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
