He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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