Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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