BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
