K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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