so explain again why im purple
no
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
