The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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