Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
