it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
