it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
