too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
