I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
