Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
