she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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