Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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