I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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