Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't make out with my wife yet
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
