I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
