you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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