I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
