Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
