is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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