Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
