i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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