omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
