But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
be right there i have to get my cape
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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