I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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