Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
