i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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