goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
