How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
