You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
