btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
