I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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