before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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