I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize