Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
