Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
