I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
