Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
