I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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