i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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