You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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