singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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