I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
