Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
