I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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