Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
