I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
