they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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