I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize