There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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