guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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