I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
