So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
