mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
