I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
