i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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