dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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