hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
