i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
