so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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