It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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