just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
