My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
