toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
