So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
