remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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