do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
