My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
