Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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