Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
