i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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