my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
