So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
