Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
