This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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