Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize